In working toward a more peaceful planet, I find I have to do two things simultaneously:
Actively work to find new and creative ways to change our world for the better. AND,
Build a world within me that is so loving that I am not chronically undone by the ways our society is not yet “better”.
For example: I strive to create a world that does not misgender people, while simultaneously committing to building a world within me that is so kind I can’t be undone by the almost daily experience of being misgendered. Likewise, I work to create a less ableist planet, while at the same time being so loving with myself in regards to my personal health challenges, that I can’t be emotionally wrecked by other people’s ableism.
I used to go through hell because of microaggressions. Because of that, I put decades of energy into trying to alter the world outside in hopes that I and others might feel heavenly inside. Needing the external landscape to be perfect for me to be peaceful internally was a recipe for a mental health disaster and generated feelings of perpetual powerlessness. I was okay if people showed up perfectly. I wasn’t okay if they didn’t. We live in an alarmingly imperfect society––this was a clear set-up for an unhappy life.
These days, my primary life commitment is to take the lessening of my interior wellness out of exterior hands. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Nor does it mean things don’t hurt. Fostering peace within me is simply my goal. And by peace within, I do not mean never feeling grief, fear, or anger. I do not battle those feelings or try to push them away, but I am committed to owning my feelings as mine in spite of who might have shown up in some cruddy way to spark them. Because when I don’t own the feelings as mine, my power is immediately placed in another’s hands instead of my own.
Owning all that arises within me is empowering. Owning the responsibility to heal the ways others have hurt me is not about denying or ignoring harm done or giving up on creating a more compassionate society––it is about seeing myself as an active force, rather than a passive one, in my own life. Truth is, I have very little control over the ways anybody else shows up to me. But I do have control over committing to standing reign over how I show up to myself. And I gain a ton of energy by knowing it is my job to search for ways to keep my heart open to loving myself in spite of who isn’t.
This life lens has gifted me so much more access to joy, has restored my understanding of the responsibility I have to my own spirit, and consistently reminds me that my life is my own.
Hope this helps someone today. Thank you for being here, everyone. I appreciate your innate kindness, and I appreciate the insights of this community so much.
Love, Andrea 🖤
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📣 Add to the conversation: In what ways do you foster peace within yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments