Hello Beauties!
Today I’m sharing some stream of consciousness words I typed into my phone late last night when I was having trouble sleeping. I find this to be a super healing exercise––not allowing my mind to get in the way of the words, regardless of the level of sense my words are making. (There are better things to make than sense. Art, for one!) There’s something about the middle of the night when I can barely see what I am typing that makes this kind of letting-go-of-perfectionism possible. I encourage you to try writing this way, too, outrunning your inner-critic. What comes out may surprise you, as this surprised me.
I don’t do anything I don’t wanna do.
I just wanna do everything. Kiss
the mirror when my friends are looking in it.
Hug the trees that have fallen to the earth.
Breathe out and let luck handle the rest.
I’m not here to argue with my destiny.
When I say I’m raising my voice,
I mean I’ve been listening, and I don’t
listen with anybody else’s ears anymore,
even though the world keeps insisting
I should. I don’t see with anybody else’s
eyes, either. No, I’m not wearing
rose colored glasses. I’m just refusing
to ignore the thorn’s red heart.
What hurts me doesn’t only hurt me, understand?
The kingdom of heaven is within us.
So is the kingdom of hell. That’s how I learned
to turn gratitude into a fire extinguisher.
Sunday school taught me the scariest thing
about hell would be burning for eternity.
The other kids were afraid of the burning.
I was afraid of anything happening forever.
Even as a kid I knew god was change.
Knew the afterlife wouldn’t be a ghost town.
Knew player pianos only exist on earth. Infinity
would never dream of repeating a song.
In the next realm no one wants anything
that once happened to happen again,
no matter how good it was. The best part
of this life would be cut from heaven’s team.
When I was 18 years old my philosophy
teacher said, “Our deepest human desire
is to be known.” But to know people, truly,
I have to first unknow them. It’s a portal to love–
to quit seeing people through the lens
of who we think they are and start experiencing
them instead. When you’re ready to be surprised
by someone, you’re surprised by them all the time.
Everyday they become a new planet.
I want nothing in my wardrobe but a space suit.
“You can walk through life believing everything
is a miracle,” Julie said, paraphrasing Einstein,
“Or you can walk through life believing
nothing is a miracle.” Whatcha gonna choose?
“Everything is a miracle!” I say like I’ve known it
my whole life. But I didn’t. Why did I go so long
believing I owed this world my disappointment
in what it has to offer?
“I hate it here,” writes every other person on twitter.
I love it here. “I love it here,” I whisper to the sky
at 1am, standing on my upstairs porch wearing
nothing but my space suit. “I love it here” I whisper
into my doctor’s stethoscope, so she can hear
my heart.
I think we are more culturally trained to not look at everything as a miracle. So I invite you, friends, to pick a day this week where you view everything that comes your way as miraculous. Let me know how that goes.
Love, Andrea 🖤