Letting Go Of The Stories That Do Not Serve Us

A Lesson I Learned From A Song

Hi Everyone,

Today I’m sharing a song I’ve had on repeat for the last month: “The Old Story” by Trevor Hall. I’ll share the lyrics and the video first in case you’d like to listen before I dive into why I adore this song.

“You could play it out/But all of it's in your head/Holding on with both two hands/Gotta let go/Is it really you Knocking at your old door/Always looking for something more/Don't be a fool/Don't be a fool/Oh no no no/You just gotta let that old story go/You just gotta let that good river flow into your heart/It's a start/ Where you gonna run to if you're gonna run from here/Only running from your own fear/It'll catch up now / Gotta let it die/Gotta let it go its own way/Who will you be if you let it stay/I'm afraid/I'm afraid” –– Trevor Hall, “The Old Story”

For most of my adulthood I’ve been deeply interested in how stories impact our lives. Not so much the stories we tell as writers and artists, but the stories that live deep down in our nervous systems, and don’t necessarily serve us. The stories that chronically nag at our minds and unconsciously breed doubt, insecurity and fear. The stories about our unworthiness. The stories about the ways we are not enough or too much. The stories about how others have failed us, or how we have failed ourselves. The stories of how our lives would have turned out so much differently if only. “If only” is the saddest phrase in the universe, and one of the most painful “stories” to burden our spirits with.

Trevor writes, “You just gotta let that old story go. You just gotta let that good river flow into your heart.” Our painful stories block the door to our hearts. In my experience, nothing locks that door quicker than old stories that stir these two things: shame and blame.

When I feel shame, it’s very difficult for me to be authentically loving to myself, others, and our world. When I’m feeling blame the same thing happens. I close. Rightness replaces my wonder. Pride replaces genuine self-love. I’m too angry to be open.

A practice I find helpful and invigorating is to make a list of the old stories I’d like to let go of. I’ve done this in many ways over the years but my favorite way to do it is with friends around a campfire. We briefly write our stories down and toss them into the fire pit, allowing the stories that do not support our thriving to burn. To give you some examples of old stories I’ve written down and turned to ash:

1. I am a burden to others when my body is sick. (burned)

2. If someone sees all of me I won’t be loved. (burned)

3. The universe doesn’t have my back. (burned)

4. My big feelings are bigger than I am. (burned)

5. I need other people’s approval to like myself. (burned)

Whether you have a campfire or not, this is a wonderful exercise to do regularly. Each of us collects countless painful stories throughout our lifetimes, and it can be wildly energizing to release the heavy weight of such narratives from our lives. Of course, the process requires a genuine commitment to staying the course of releasing the pain over months and sometimes years. But simply seeing that an old story has a lot of negative power over our lives is a gigantic step in healing. You may notice a lot will change for you the instant you begin writing your old stories down.

Good luck, everyone!

You are one of the loveliest stories in my life.

Love, Andrea 🖤