Hi Everyone!
Years ago I learned something changed my perspective on growing:
A butterfly trying to find its way out of a cocoon can be difficult to watch because it looks like an immense struggle. It’s common for people to try to peel back the layers of the cocoon to help the butterfly into the air. But a butterfly’s lifespan can be greatly shortened if the exit from the cocoon isn’t its own doing. The butterfly’s struggle is necessary to its chances of thriving.
Isn’t that such a potent sentiment? To become who we are meant to become, the becoming must be ours. I believe this to be a beautiful lesson for us all. This learning helped me undo many of my tendencies toward codependency. It also helped me look closely at the parts of my life in which I was asking others to do the work of my becoming for me. And of course, that isn’t to say don’t help each other, but to understand the gift we give in supporting one another to make our own way into the sky.
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you’ll know I love the idea of our perpetual becoming. I like knowing I will never be a finished project. Even in church as a child, I’d question how heavenly heaven could really be if there was no more growing to do behind those pearly gates. I don’t want there to be an endpoint to the journey of wisdom. If I have all the answers, how will I still have wonder and curiosity—my two favorite states in the world?
For me, the key to really understanding the butterfly lesson is to get familiar with the fine line between letting someone make their way, while also honoring and celebrating the humanness of interdependence. The fact that we need each other is its own kind of magic and one of my favorite things about humanity. The support of people around me has been integral to my own growth, but the challenges I faced alone were also crucial to my thriving.
Today, I invite you to join me in looking at the ways you might be doing another a disservice by breaking them out of their cocoon. [For instance, I have a friend whose loving mother ‘fought her battles’ for her as a kid, inserting herself into her child’s middle school drama, and this friend believes that act of love actually impeded them from being able to advocate for themselves as an adult]. At the same time, let’s also consider where we might be asking others to do the hard work in our lives––that we would truly be better off doing ourselves. [It’s probably about time I learn how to do my own online banking, and remember my own passwords without having to ask my partner.] And while we do all of that let’s also think about where we aren’t helping others, but maybe should be. And where we aren’t asking for help, when asking for help would be the very best thing to do. That’s a long list of stuff to do, be we can do it, y’all. We can!
Thank you for being here,
Still Making My Way Out Of The Cocoon Andrea 🖤
📚 My bestselling book 'You Better Be Lightning' is the winner of the Independent Publisher Book Awards and a Goodreads Choice Awards Finalist. Get your own copy (signed copies available too!)
📣 Add to the conversation: What has helped or challenged your personal metamorphosis through your journey of becoming? Share your thoughts in the comments