What Does Self-Love Feel Like?

I’ve never heard it described before. I’ll go first:

Hi Besties,

I think it’s wonderful how much we speak about the importance of ‘self-love’ these days, but I rarely hear people discuss how it feels to truly love oneself. What is it like? How does it feel in the mind, in the spirit, in the chest and in the elbows? Does it change our worldview and our opinions of others? Of traffic, or the DMV? How do feelings of genuine self-love differ from pride? Ego? Arrogance? Rightness? Ideas of being better than or more than someone else? For a long time I’ve wanted to hear people express how loving oneself actually feels to them. Because of that, I took some time to write out how it feels to me, hoping it will inspire others to share their experience:

For me, self-love is a very distinct and unquestionable state. I am not always in that state but when I am there, I know (I mean I really know) I’m there. It’s as clear as the difference between music and noise.

In that place, self-love has nothing to do with my accomplishments, or how great I am at basketball. It has nothing to do with what I have “made of my life.” Awards and accolades feel utterly irrelevant, and sometimes even absurd. Self-love, for me, is the antithesis of feeling special. The things I cherish in myself are things the universe cherishes in us all. When I am feeling self-love I am utterly incapable of not actively and wholly thinking everyone is the bee’s knees. Even the folks I may have just yesterday wanted to spit gum in the hair of. I feel like the universe’s valentine. I feel a deep sense of purpose while simultaneously having a nearly impossible time taking myself very seriously. I watch my own personality like it’s sketch comedy. Also, and this is one of the best parts––when feeling self love it’s impossible for me to feel offended: My body is the size of Jupiter and insults are tiny pebbles being tossed by a baby ant. That doesn’t mean I won’t address the insult, but I do it mostly for the baby ant’s sake, or the world’s sake––not because I’m not OK if the pebbles keep flying my way. When feeling self-love I have an enormous amount of energy but the energy is ambient and tender. I lose interest in judging. It bores me to criticize people (even in the privacy of my mind). Bitterness feels like a canker sore on my heart. When feeling self-love I also have far more capacity in regards to working for social justice. For a while I wondered why that was and then one day I realized it is because my attention shifts from what we’re fighting against to what we’re fighting for: the thriving of every living being in this world.

That’s how I feel when I’m loving myself. It’s not a place I’m always in, but because I want to always be––I’ve developed some practices that help me return there when I’m low. I plan to share those in a future newsletter. For now let me ask—what does self love feel like to you? I’d be thrilled if you’d take some time to write it out, and if you’re up for it–share in the comments.

Love, Andrea 🖤