"My purpose is to parent my own departure." Phenomenal.
Meg, I have to tell you that the way you are continuing Andrea's Substack is so fluid. As their "love bugs," the continuity of reading Andrea's voice is unprecedented, really. Most of the time when someone dies, there's a nice legacy page where readers can leave a memory or a note.
But this feels like Andrea. They're still with us, through you. You are honoring Andrea and their desire to take care of us, their readers. It's truly evident you both were, and are still, of one heart.
As I’ve cried these past days, feeling so small and insignificant…feeling my tears were somehow wrong. Today my tears felt more like a stream meeting up with and combining with thousands of others forming the mighty Andrea river flowing into ‘love bug’ lake. I no longer feel small nor alone. Thank you 🙏
That's truly beautiful, Kris. I believe that tears can be a gift. Releasing them rids our bodies of many toxins, too. Let them baptize you and cleanse your hurting heart. 💔❤️
This is so well stated and helps me better name what I'm feeling when I read both of their words -- comforted and sad and blown away by the seamless offering of their combined gentle wisdom and tenderness.
This is staggering in its beauty, and truth. I can feel the truth in my gut. I’m in tears a minute before a Zoom call with a bunch of clients and so welcoming of them I don’t care what anyone might think. What you and Andrea are midwifing into our consciousness is such a gift. Words fail, except maybe thank you, just thank you, and something else that hasn’t been invented yet. 🙏❤️
Love crying! I love that! Someone once gifted me the nickname Moon Boy and while yes it's true, I am a Cancer, I'm also very much in to crying when I feel the need. Now I have something to call it. Thank you.
YAY! Love this. I am all for crying when we feel things deeply. My staff has seen me cry more times than I can count. This world is filled with so much to be in awe of - good and bad, and I think it's so powerful when we let the world see how much we feel it.
Love crying… Danielle, that's just right! I think that beautiful description captures the tears that so easily fall in the midst of intensely emotional experiences. When I review recent episodes of love, crying… Love tears… they splashed on triumph as much as terror; for people I will never know, and others I keep trying to discover the most; for ideas and animals; and everything in between.
What a fucking riot they were. Thank you Meg for continuing to share their work. So grateful. I hope you are doing the best you can right now. Our hearts are with yours. We’re your love bugs now too.🐞 I work as a death worker holding hands with people as they let go of this life, and this poem is what I wish for so many of my patients. Just to look death in the eyes and say hello. They don’t need to welcome it with open arms, just a simple acknowledgement would go so far.
I know it’s not possible but also is extremely possible but, while reading their poem just now, I think I’ve heard this voice, too.
Back in 2019, within an hour of losing a baby in the second trimester, I began seeing a woman with long flowing silvery hair in the hospital room with me — and — again how is this possible — she sounded just like this poem.
She was actually very quiet and still and the only words she said were, “I’m a part of this story now,” and then she watched as I climbed into the hospital bed, following me down the twists and turns of the hallway and into the operating room. I never realized until now that I was walking toward death, hand in hand with death, like a friend. And she’s been helping me learn how to say my goodbyes ever since.
Goodness. Andrea, you really ARE everywhere now. ☀️
I have a tattoo of a very non-threatening looking Grim reaper. I saw a cartoon once when I was working as a hospice nurse, that showed the Grim Reaper walking with his head hunched over holding the scythe in one hand, and a sign that says "needs hugs" in the other. The caption said that the grim Reaper gets a bad rap, but he's not the one that kills you. And I realize that as a hospice nurse, I got to walk with people as they crossed to the other side, like the Grim Reaper, death. It is a humble place to be and I love my tattoo so very much. Thank you for sharing this about your experience with the silver haired lady.
Connie, thank you for sharing this. This reminds me of a dear friend and spiritual mentor who passed away suddenly in March, and at one point in his career he had worked as a hospital chaplain. In one of our text exchanges a few years ago, he told me that he had writer's block while trying to write about death in an essay.
And I pointed out to him that it was such a surprising place to feel blocked because he is one of the last new friends a person makes before they die ... and even HE is stuck? As I tried to help him unlock the "root" reason for not being able to approach the topic, I asked him to tell me the end of the essay he's trying to write. And he said, "We have to make friends with it."
That's what you do, Connie. You help people make friends with death, in whatever measure they're able. So, thank you for that. ☀️
Yes, we do have to make friends and peace with death. I often used to say that families wanted bedside complete healing miracles SO badly, they often missed the ACTUAL miracles end-of-life brings: slowing down, to just BE with your loved one, opportunities to reconnect with family, reconciliation, being held in grief by staff, witnessing your dying loved one cared for in complete kindness...
I also wanted to share that they day after Andrea died, I hosted a livestream of my "Thank You" Practice. Each practice takes on a different shape depending on who has passed on from this world, and I felt for Andrea, the practice was to read their words aloud, essay after essay for an hour.
Nothing I write right now will feel like enough, but I am still going to write it. I found Andrea's beautiful art just a few years ago, and since then, I have been the most obnoxious groupie - following their every word on social media, telling all my friends about them, bragging when they started following my baby (One Simple Wish) on IG. Thank you, Meg, for continuing to bring them to us. I am certain this sweet community - all of these love bugs - are all the very people I have wished for my whole life, and how gracious you and Andrea are for scooping us all up and showing us to one another. I just love you both from so deep in my soul. You feel like the most comfortable room, the most supportive embrace - every single time I read your words. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What can we do for you?
I love this question: what can we do for you? I am floored by Meg’s generosity in continuing this Substack in a time of deepest grief. I hope that maintaining a connection with us lovebugs is a gift in itself, as we hold her in our circle of love and gratitude.
I once heard Andrea say in an interview that they were holding the hearts of queer youth in their own heart. That thought has carried me through so much darkness. Andrea’s passing has made me so aware of all the light they brought into my life, the space they continuously held for me in their art. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you Meg and thank you Andrea. My father left this earth the same day as Andrea did and their posts and now this beautiful poem have touched me so much and also helped me. I've followed Andeea's work for a number of years and wish I could have seen them perform.here in England. Sending love to all of you
Thank you, Meg. Your comments about Andrea's "sweet community" reminded me of the moment in "Come See Me in the Good Light" when they stepped on stage at the Paramount and a tangible wave of love rolled down from the crowd to them. I've never experienced anything like that while watching a film. Only a mighty person could call that forth.
Anyone else here can’t stop either bawling or sitting, speechless, in reflection. The beauty, the realness, the truth. The way Andrea and You are showing up for US, with such grace, generosity of spirit, love, is startling. Thank you. Meg, I am- we are all here - holding your heart, sitting beside you, not trying to fix anything, or make it better (like that was possible), just here, WITH you through this. I can’t even begin to express the grief I’ve experienced this week. I knew about the concept of a parasocial relationship- which refers to the connectedness we feel to public icons we’ve never “met.” I know it’s MORE than OKAY to feel deep pain when someone inspiring passes. I believe there is NO shame in grieving someone you knew from afar. I am just a bit taken by the profundity of the pain and grief I felt as Andrea passed to another plane. The way they lived is the way they died, and I have no doubt they are eating Chips and Hummus, smiling upon us, shining upon us XO, Dr. Jen
So beautiful. I love that Andrea offers us a different way of being with our bodies, our health, our destiny, rather than the tired old metaphors of battle. Love is so much more inviting to aspire to ❤️
I love this so much, in so many ways, for so many reasons. The words, for sure, Andrea's voice speaking them, the cinematography is divine, the way they spoke of a subject most of us don't want to think about - much less speak about. That's the other part of this that hits me in the heart; I spent the last 7 years of my career being "manager" of death and dying for a large state agency caring for individuals with disabilities. I went around the state training staff and community health providers, including physicians, on caring for individuals who in the minds of most had little or no quality of life, so part of what I did was to get them to see with their hearts and eyes. It worked. Our individuals with terminal cancer or other terminal diseases, lived and died with dignity. A good death was a concept foreign to almost everyone. I got some weird looks and questions every time I used it, which was frequently, but they came to understand that a good death is possible and one of the best things we can provide for anyone. This beautiful video, what a wonderful gift Andrea left us all with.
Susan, dear friend. Thank you for your gifts and service. They left with so much to ponder and dare I say celebrate. Open petals to the moon! I lost my first girlfriend to Huntington’s and she was so full of life and mystery even in the facing death. She was whimsical and goofy too. So important to honor the spirit in which they lived! Don’t you agree?
Absolutely I agree. That’s how the people we love stay alive for us. I love your “open petals to the moon”, what beautiful imagery. Thank you for your comment. ❤️
Susan, thank you for your work. Having lost my mom and grandmothers to dementia and other beloveds to cancer and heart disease, I know that a good death is a great thing to wish for anyone when the time comes. Thank you for helping train providers to be present in loving witness. ❤️
"My purpose is to parent my own departure." Phenomenal.
Meg, I have to tell you that the way you are continuing Andrea's Substack is so fluid. As their "love bugs," the continuity of reading Andrea's voice is unprecedented, really. Most of the time when someone dies, there's a nice legacy page where readers can leave a memory or a note.
But this feels like Andrea. They're still with us, through you. You are honoring Andrea and their desire to take care of us, their readers. It's truly evident you both were, and are still, of one heart.
Thank you. ❤️
As I’ve cried these past days, feeling so small and insignificant…feeling my tears were somehow wrong. Today my tears felt more like a stream meeting up with and combining with thousands of others forming the mighty Andrea river flowing into ‘love bug’ lake. I no longer feel small nor alone. Thank you 🙏
That's truly beautiful, Kris. I believe that tears can be a gift. Releasing them rids our bodies of many toxins, too. Let them baptize you and cleanse your hurting heart. 💔❤️
Yes to all of this. Fluid is the energy.
Yes yes yes boosting this
My sentiments exactly! Well said!
This is so well stated and helps me better name what I'm feeling when I read both of their words -- comforted and sad and blown away by the seamless offering of their combined gentle wisdom and tenderness.
I'm glad I was able to put something you're experiencing into words, Rebekah. Holding you in my heart. ♥️
And so it is.
Beautiful words. … I couldn’t agree more, thank you Andrea & Meg🫶😇
This, this, 100% this ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗
So perfectly stated!! Meg….thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Agree, it took me a moment to come back to this page but it’s almost like she’d still here, and she is …. in a way, more present than ever 💚
This is staggering in its beauty, and truth. I can feel the truth in my gut. I’m in tears a minute before a Zoom call with a bunch of clients and so welcoming of them I don’t care what anyone might think. What you and Andrea are midwifing into our consciousness is such a gift. Words fail, except maybe thank you, just thank you, and something else that hasn’t been invented yet. 🙏❤️
About to get on a Zoom call with my team and I am bawling...but they have all seen this before. I am always "love crying" as I call it.
Love crying! I love that! Someone once gifted me the nickname Moon Boy and while yes it's true, I am a Cancer, I'm also very much in to crying when I feel the need. Now I have something to call it. Thank you.
YAY! Love this. I am all for crying when we feel things deeply. My staff has seen me cry more times than I can count. This world is filled with so much to be in awe of - good and bad, and I think it's so powerful when we let the world see how much we feel it.
You are the coolest. I cry often too and I don't think people understand. Now I have something to tell them. Thank you.
Tears are so hard and awkward for me but I’m trying to get better at them! So glad we are “love crying” together ❤️
Love crying… Danielle, that's just right! I think that beautiful description captures the tears that so easily fall in the midst of intensely emotional experiences. When I review recent episodes of love, crying… Love tears… they splashed on triumph as much as terror; for people I will never know, and others I keep trying to discover the most; for ideas and animals; and everything in between.
“Midwifing into our consciousness.” Yes 👏
What a fucking riot they were. Thank you Meg for continuing to share their work. So grateful. I hope you are doing the best you can right now. Our hearts are with yours. We’re your love bugs now too.🐞 I work as a death worker holding hands with people as they let go of this life, and this poem is what I wish for so many of my patients. Just to look death in the eyes and say hello. They don’t need to welcome it with open arms, just a simple acknowledgement would go so far.
I know it’s not possible but also is extremely possible but, while reading their poem just now, I think I’ve heard this voice, too.
Back in 2019, within an hour of losing a baby in the second trimester, I began seeing a woman with long flowing silvery hair in the hospital room with me — and — again how is this possible — she sounded just like this poem.
She was actually very quiet and still and the only words she said were, “I’m a part of this story now,” and then she watched as I climbed into the hospital bed, following me down the twists and turns of the hallway and into the operating room. I never realized until now that I was walking toward death, hand in hand with death, like a friend. And she’s been helping me learn how to say my goodbyes ever since.
Goodness. Andrea, you really ARE everywhere now. ☀️
I have a tattoo of a very non-threatening looking Grim reaper. I saw a cartoon once when I was working as a hospice nurse, that showed the Grim Reaper walking with his head hunched over holding the scythe in one hand, and a sign that says "needs hugs" in the other. The caption said that the grim Reaper gets a bad rap, but he's not the one that kills you. And I realize that as a hospice nurse, I got to walk with people as they crossed to the other side, like the Grim Reaper, death. It is a humble place to be and I love my tattoo so very much. Thank you for sharing this about your experience with the silver haired lady.
Connie, thank you for sharing this. This reminds me of a dear friend and spiritual mentor who passed away suddenly in March, and at one point in his career he had worked as a hospital chaplain. In one of our text exchanges a few years ago, he told me that he had writer's block while trying to write about death in an essay.
And I pointed out to him that it was such a surprising place to feel blocked because he is one of the last new friends a person makes before they die ... and even HE is stuck? As I tried to help him unlock the "root" reason for not being able to approach the topic, I asked him to tell me the end of the essay he's trying to write. And he said, "We have to make friends with it."
That's what you do, Connie. You help people make friends with death, in whatever measure they're able. So, thank you for that. ☀️
Yes, we do have to make friends and peace with death. I often used to say that families wanted bedside complete healing miracles SO badly, they often missed the ACTUAL miracles end-of-life brings: slowing down, to just BE with your loved one, opportunities to reconnect with family, reconciliation, being held in grief by staff, witnessing your dying loved one cared for in complete kindness...
So beautifully said, Connie. 💜
I also wanted to share that they day after Andrea died, I hosted a livestream of my "Thank You" Practice. Each practice takes on a different shape depending on who has passed on from this world, and I felt for Andrea, the practice was to read their words aloud, essay after essay for an hour.
https://open.substack.com/pub/thepublishingspectrum/p/thank-you-practice-for-andrea-gibson?r=4i32v&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Amanda, that's an incredible story. Have you written it elsewhere?
Yes. https://amandabhinton.substack.com/p/who-tends-the-brokenhearted
Awesome! Thanks for sharing the link, Amanda.
When we tell people a human being like Andrea ever existed, will they believe us?
Nothing I write right now will feel like enough, but I am still going to write it. I found Andrea's beautiful art just a few years ago, and since then, I have been the most obnoxious groupie - following their every word on social media, telling all my friends about them, bragging when they started following my baby (One Simple Wish) on IG. Thank you, Meg, for continuing to bring them to us. I am certain this sweet community - all of these love bugs - are all the very people I have wished for my whole life, and how gracious you and Andrea are for scooping us all up and showing us to one another. I just love you both from so deep in my soul. You feel like the most comfortable room, the most supportive embrace - every single time I read your words. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What can we do for you?
I love this question: what can we do for you? I am floored by Meg’s generosity in continuing this Substack in a time of deepest grief. I hope that maintaining a connection with us lovebugs is a gift in itself, as we hold her in our circle of love and gratitude.
I once heard Andrea say in an interview that they were holding the hearts of queer youth in their own heart. That thought has carried me through so much darkness. Andrea’s passing has made me so aware of all the light they brought into my life, the space they continuously held for me in their art. Thank you for sharing this with us.
What a gift to hold as each of us is closer to this child of life. But then everything Andrea shared was a gift, wasn't it. Thank you.
This is working. My heart is opening to the impossible message of this poem.
Thank you Meg and thank you Andrea. My father left this earth the same day as Andrea did and their posts and now this beautiful poem have touched me so much and also helped me. I've followed Andeea's work for a number of years and wish I could have seen them perform.here in England. Sending love to all of you
Gentle care as you grieve and remember your dear father, Kellie. 💜
Thank you, Meg. Your comments about Andrea's "sweet community" reminded me of the moment in "Come See Me in the Good Light" when they stepped on stage at the Paramount and a tangible wave of love rolled down from the crowd to them. I've never experienced anything like that while watching a film. Only a mighty person could call that forth.
Only a mighty love could roll forth like that
they knew.
they always knew.
they worked to know,
they played to know,
they knew.
and, thanks to them, we do too.
we live, we laugh, we love.
we open our petals to the moon,
we open our hearts to that which seeks to heaven us,
we know we'll die
so we can live.
Meg ... thank you.
holding you in all, all, all the love.
❤️
Anyone else here can’t stop either bawling or sitting, speechless, in reflection. The beauty, the realness, the truth. The way Andrea and You are showing up for US, with such grace, generosity of spirit, love, is startling. Thank you. Meg, I am- we are all here - holding your heart, sitting beside you, not trying to fix anything, or make it better (like that was possible), just here, WITH you through this. I can’t even begin to express the grief I’ve experienced this week. I knew about the concept of a parasocial relationship- which refers to the connectedness we feel to public icons we’ve never “met.” I know it’s MORE than OKAY to feel deep pain when someone inspiring passes. I believe there is NO shame in grieving someone you knew from afar. I am just a bit taken by the profundity of the pain and grief I felt as Andrea passed to another plane. The way they lived is the way they died, and I have no doubt they are eating Chips and Hummus, smiling upon us, shining upon us XO, Dr. Jen
So beautiful. I love that Andrea offers us a different way of being with our bodies, our health, our destiny, rather than the tired old metaphors of battle. Love is so much more inviting to aspire to ❤️
I love this so much, in so many ways, for so many reasons. The words, for sure, Andrea's voice speaking them, the cinematography is divine, the way they spoke of a subject most of us don't want to think about - much less speak about. That's the other part of this that hits me in the heart; I spent the last 7 years of my career being "manager" of death and dying for a large state agency caring for individuals with disabilities. I went around the state training staff and community health providers, including physicians, on caring for individuals who in the minds of most had little or no quality of life, so part of what I did was to get them to see with their hearts and eyes. It worked. Our individuals with terminal cancer or other terminal diseases, lived and died with dignity. A good death was a concept foreign to almost everyone. I got some weird looks and questions every time I used it, which was frequently, but they came to understand that a good death is possible and one of the best things we can provide for anyone. This beautiful video, what a wonderful gift Andrea left us all with.
Susan, dear friend. Thank you for your gifts and service. They left with so much to ponder and dare I say celebrate. Open petals to the moon! I lost my first girlfriend to Huntington’s and she was so full of life and mystery even in the facing death. She was whimsical and goofy too. So important to honor the spirit in which they lived! Don’t you agree?
Absolutely I agree. That’s how the people we love stay alive for us. I love your “open petals to the moon”, what beautiful imagery. Thank you for your comment. ❤️
Those are Andrea’s words! Even still she is delighting us with freaking beauty and nature imagery! ♥️ and yes to keeping them with us this way.
Of course! Brain is slow and I’m a little concussed but that’s a story for another time 😀
Feel better. 💖
lol. 😂 no need to explain truly. I understand.
Susan, thank you for your work. Having lost my mom and grandmothers to dementia and other beloveds to cancer and heart disease, I know that a good death is a great thing to wish for anyone when the time comes. Thank you for helping train providers to be present in loving witness. ❤️
Holly, thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate your comment. ❤️
My arms are lined in goosebumps after reading this. Thank you. Thank you.