You Are The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To You

Caring for Ourselves in All Five Love Languages

Hello Love Wonders!

Years ago I heard about the five love languages, first conceived of by author Gary Chapman. He wrote that romantic partners express love in a myriad of ways, and knowing each other’s preferred ways of being loved can help foster thriving relationships. Chapman listed the love languages as: acts of service, physical touch, quality time, gift-giving, and words of affirmation. I’ve always found it fascinating to ask partners and friends what their main love language is. Do you feel most loved when receiving gifts? Do you feel most cherished when someone makes time for you? Do you express love by words of affirmation or physical touch, or both?

This morning, I explored the love languages in a new way. Culturally we are so focused on external sources of love, and while love from other people is wonderful, today I was interested in exploring all of the ways I care for myself in the five ways Chapman presented. This was a wonderful process that helped me see where I’m supporting myself well, and where I might be able to offer myself some more kindness. I invite you to join me in making your own list. Here’s mine:

Gifts. A snooze button hit seven times on Monday morning. Christmas lights on the trees in my yard all summer long. A trailer on the back of my bike that can hold three dogs at once. A telescope to see the moon up close. A metal trough I turn into a homemade pool. A tree branch slingshot and 888 heart rocks. Thrift store jeans worn soft. A neon sign that reads, “Stay Tender.” A swing hung from my favorite tree.

Acts of Service. I make a dentist appointment I’ve been delaying throughout the pandemic. I deep clean the pantry in spite of the mouse who believes the pantry is his home. I hold my own hand in the doctor's office. I clean out my sock drawer. I deep clean my car until it no longer looks like a dumpster. I weed the spiky weeds in the garden. I pick up my prescriptions. I stock up on vitamins. I cut my own hair. (I may be regretting that last one.)

Quality Time. I teach myself how to play the piano. I write children’s stories about jellyfish who live in the forest. I sit and watch the squirrel I’ve befriended eat my organic pecans. I watch the NBA finals while doing push ups. I meditate. I pray. I call my mother. I write song lyrics and dare myself to write Harry Styles and say, “Hey Harry! Please turn these words into a song.” I stand on the porch when everyone is asleep and talk to the old owl who lives in our tallest tree. I hold a shell to my ear and listen to the ocean while sitting next to a cactus on my desert porch.

Physical Touch. I dance with my shirt off in the sun. I do sprints down the driveway and time myself the same way I did as a kid. I give myself bear hugs. I stretch until I’m taller. I greet every body part. Hello pinky finger. Hello toes. I relax my shoulders, my jaw, my heart. I especially relax my heart. I hold my head high and notice the birds, the kites, the parachuters floating down from the Rocky Mountains, landing in the field near my home. I lay down on the floor like a sugar spill and let the dogs ant all over me. I kiss my biceps in the mirror. I shampoo my hair the same way my hairdresser does.

Words of Affirmation. Remember, Andrea, you are bigger than your feelings. You are not the waves. You are the calm water underneath. Remember, Andrea, fear rarely tells the truth. Remember, god is in the mirror. Thank goodness you’ve never been a mascot for fitting in. Thank goodness you have always been you. Look how good you are getting at not suppressing joy. Look how good you are getting at not suppressing grief. Your hair looks fantastic, Andrea. Your tattoos are amazing, especially the ones you regret. Can you believe you get to be YOU, in this life Andrea! What a gift. What a life. What a miracle that you get to be alive right now, at the exact same time as all of the people reading this. Stop typing and go eat some chocolate, Andrea!

Love, Currently Eating Chocolate Andrea 🖤

. . . .

📚 My bestselling book 'You Better Be Lightning' is the winner of the Independent Publisher Book Awards and a Goodreads Choice Awards Finalist. Get your own copy (signed copies available too!)

📣 Add to the conversation: What is your main love language? Do you express love by words of affirmation or physical touch, or both? Share your thoughts in the comments