me too. that hyena of fear made me laugh aloud. though she's been romping through my fields now for months. and it is soooo soooooooo good to know we can all hold hands and tremble side by side. i am so sorry you know this terrain, too.
This is beautiful. I'm also going through cancer and my cousin suggested I follow you. What a rich and fertile ground I've found with so many daisies. Oddly enough now that I'm facing a life or death illness, I find my soul to be much more at peace, my illusion of control crumbled, and I think it might just be...freedom.
When I thought I knew the why of and the what of how and roughly when I'd die, I was very much at peace as peace. When that was taken away, and I'd survive in uncertainty again, the hyena started up.
This is an incredible insight. When my daughter was on life support, those five days were filled with serenity and certainty (along with the agony). We were so close to the veil. Years later, I moved away from that certainty and into depression and despair, that the hyena began to howl. Thank you for that reminder and much love 🦋
I understand this too. My husband was in ICU for a while this year. The Drs were preparing me that it was unlikely that he would come home. The calm that overcame me was profound. I can only say that I relinquished all responsibility for his life knowing, to that point, I had done all I could and that the rest would be up to Grace. Living in complete acceptance is living as peace, at peace with what is. 🩷
Andrea, you are fire and velvet. You have reached places in my heart that I didn't know existed. Your ability to weave words together in a way that is fierce, yet gentle touches me on so many levels that I can't express to others adequately except to say, "You must read them, you must hear them."
I understand why Bennett, admired you the way they did. They performed your poetry in Speach and Debate in high school, and had to go to New York to see you perform. You single handedly started them on their life path. Your content may have been different, but your passion and presence reach out to the farthest places in the universe. I am so grateful for the meaning you have brought to my life and to the lives of everyone who has the honor to know your words. I love you and I love Meg for sustaining you and keeping you whole. Thank you for sharing your love and life with us. Your entire family is in our hearts.
Karen, It's so so comforting reading your words. I think of you and Bennett and your whole family so often. You are wonderful and I'm so grateful for your kindness.
Andrea, If I could shower you with all the love and goodness and especially wellness I would do so. As would the countless people whom you've lifted up again and again.
Thank you for your beautiful writing and beautiful way of living into every part of this world, Andrea! Long Covid has taught me some of these same things and taken me to some of these same places. The things I liked about myself - being fit and strong and intellectually quick and productive and full of energy - vanished almost overnight, and I somehow found that I love myself and love this world more, not less.
I attended Meg’s workshop, thinking I’d come up with something good about my progressive diseases but found the truthiest truth (thanks, Meg) and realized I was gay and it had been suppressed my entire life. Came out to myself, then my husband who I’ve been with for 18 years. Now I’m making peace with all the versions of me that hid for so long, and it’s the most beautifully fulfilling thing.. parts of me falling together and finally fitting. It’s been simultaneously the most painful and liberating experience of my life. 🖤
Your perspective continues to wake me up. Non-duality meets non-duality meets non-duality in infiniteness. Sitting here waiting for my 5 year post cancer CT/bone scans. I love you!
Thank you for sharing this journey. May every moment blossom into something beautiful. I know you likely have heard of this poem, but I share it here in case others have not. May you live all of your days. Xoxo
Thank you for such a clear and beautiful articulation of the expanding we do when we notice, allow, accept, and eventually, gently, welcome the parts of ourselves we are ashamed of, frightened of, and despise. I so agree that loving these parts as they come along creates incredible capacity for change. That's been my experience. Thank you again!
I so look forward to all your words!! As I too look cancer fiercely in the face..I find strength, courage and grace through your writings! Hugs from a far!
Absolutely beautiful, words and insight dear Andrea. I have danced this path with my mother, my father, my aunt, several dear friends. Recently the hungry little cells came sniffing for me too. Your clarity rings so true those moments when get the chance to see what matters most. love
Pineal cyst (center of brain) removed March of 2020, 1 week ICU stay, alone, due to covid. Since then my mantra has been #shedshiftshine . I've learned to do my best to SHED what no lover serves me. SHIFT & grow into my "becoming" so that I can SHINE, as my most authentic self.
Shed a marriage, 100+ pounds, and a corporate job since then and it's been a continuous #backwardsblessing. I'm now a full-time psychic medium & intuitive energy healer & living my best life... loving every crack & crevice of this planet & the souls inhabiting it & beyond.
I'm huge fan of YOU & your writing & I don't think I've ever sent so much love & healing energy to a stranger in my life. Also, I've never gifted a book so many times... You Better Be Lightening ⚡️💖⚡️ Thank you
I got the flu this week. Or at least, I assume it was the flu since I've had multiple colds and Covid in the last decade and nothing has laid me flat like this. And while I was so sick, unable to stay upright or think straight, all of the regressive, shitty internal voices that tell me that if I'm not constantly of use to someone else, if I'm not doing, producing, accomplishing I'm not worth anything, came screaming to the forefront of my brain. Usually, there's too much doing-management on my mind for me to hear those voices. Doing and thinking about doing drowns them out.
Can I say I love those voices? That would be a little bit of a stretch. I can say I know where they come from. I feel deep compassion for their fear that if I don't earn my right to be here then I might have to cease being here. And I can say, though having the flu SUCKS, I'm glad to have heard them so that we can actually have a conversation together. Nothing brought into the light stays dark. That I can say for sure.
I love your way of describing this, Asha. I’m in the middle of five weeks of leave from work for the first time in a very long time - and it’s been a lot more difficult than I expected because those voices have been very loud. Interesting to work through and I’m appreciating the space to do so ✨ Thank you as always, Andrea, too.
Concerning all subsequent shooting stars... if any are not your Grandma Faye or other beloveds, then they are shouts of gratitude from your readers. Thank you, thank you. Sending you some sunnywindy peace from LA today.
This is so timely! My husband was quite upset this morning about the ways I express my anxiety and how it affects him. I felt so badly about myself and how my behavior and unfiltered remarks were affecting my loved ones. Coming from a place of compassion for the anxious part of me feels
loving and healng. Spacious. Generous. I feel better already and will continue to explore. Thank you, Andrea.
PTSD has had such a grip on me, triggering reactions I've had no love for. That hyena just charges through, trying to clear space enough to feel safe and safely unto myself. At times, I've not been able to stop it or find a way to slow it down enough to ask a question of it, get curiors or self-sooth first. Its a post malaise assessment. I really struggle with how reactive and then dissociated I can be. The tussle between imagined safety and love no matter the fear is worth leaning in to it but it's also really hard on my self-esteem and on my beloved too. I could not be more sorry and I try to sow seeds of truth telling, love and acceptance, through it rather than grow self-hatred. It's so strange to me that we abandon ourselves for a hyena when the opposite is what we want more deeply.
Oh, I so so so needed this today, Andrea. I've been dealing with a rare autoimmune disease for the past several years and feel overcome by grief at moments when I stop to consider all that's changed, all that never got to be. In many ways, I've been fighting myself, living in denial, and your words show me that there is peace in acceptance and power in self-compassion. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. I always find so much solace in your words.
I'm also going through a cancer battle right now and your words heal me every time. Thank you.
me too. that hyena of fear made me laugh aloud. though she's been romping through my fields now for months. and it is soooo soooooooo good to know we can all hold hands and tremble side by side. i am so sorry you know this terrain, too.
Love to you, Barbara.
Hugs to you. Wishing you all the strength
Much love Barbara. Maybe it's through you that I discovered Andrea. Such a beautiful life web we navigate.
thank you for being here Katie. Sending love to you throughout your journey.
This is beautiful. I'm also going through cancer and my cousin suggested I follow you. What a rich and fertile ground I've found with so many daisies. Oddly enough now that I'm facing a life or death illness, I find my soul to be much more at peace, my illusion of control crumbled, and I think it might just be...freedom.
When I thought I knew the why of and the what of how and roughly when I'd die, I was very much at peace as peace. When that was taken away, and I'd survive in uncertainty again, the hyena started up.
This is an incredible insight. When my daughter was on life support, those five days were filled with serenity and certainty (along with the agony). We were so close to the veil. Years later, I moved away from that certainty and into depression and despair, that the hyena began to howl. Thank you for that reminder and much love 🦋
I understand this too. My husband was in ICU for a while this year. The Drs were preparing me that it was unlikely that he would come home. The calm that overcame me was profound. I can only say that I relinquished all responsibility for his life knowing, to that point, I had done all I could and that the rest would be up to Grace. Living in complete acceptance is living as peace, at peace with what is. 🩷
Andrea, you are fire and velvet. You have reached places in my heart that I didn't know existed. Your ability to weave words together in a way that is fierce, yet gentle touches me on so many levels that I can't express to others adequately except to say, "You must read them, you must hear them."
I understand why Bennett, admired you the way they did. They performed your poetry in Speach and Debate in high school, and had to go to New York to see you perform. You single handedly started them on their life path. Your content may have been different, but your passion and presence reach out to the farthest places in the universe. I am so grateful for the meaning you have brought to my life and to the lives of everyone who has the honor to know your words. I love you and I love Meg for sustaining you and keeping you whole. Thank you for sharing your love and life with us. Your entire family is in our hearts.
Karen
Karen, It's so so comforting reading your words. I think of you and Bennett and your whole family so often. You are wonderful and I'm so grateful for your kindness.
Andrea, If I could shower you with all the love and goodness and especially wellness I would do so. As would the countless people whom you've lifted up again and again.
Thank you for your beautiful writing and beautiful way of living into every part of this world, Andrea! Long Covid has taught me some of these same things and taken me to some of these same places. The things I liked about myself - being fit and strong and intellectually quick and productive and full of energy - vanished almost overnight, and I somehow found that I love myself and love this world more, not less.
I attended Meg’s workshop, thinking I’d come up with something good about my progressive diseases but found the truthiest truth (thanks, Meg) and realized I was gay and it had been suppressed my entire life. Came out to myself, then my husband who I’ve been with for 18 years. Now I’m making peace with all the versions of me that hid for so long, and it’s the most beautifully fulfilling thing.. parts of me falling together and finally fitting. It’s been simultaneously the most painful and liberating experience of my life. 🖤
Just read your words to Meg and we are both so thankful you shared! What a journey. Keep going!
Thank you 🥹 I love you both, so much.
🩷
Your perspective continues to wake me up. Non-duality meets non-duality meets non-duality in infiniteness. Sitting here waiting for my 5 year post cancer CT/bone scans. I love you!
Love you Jenny!
Thank you for sharing this journey. May every moment blossom into something beautiful. I know you likely have heard of this poem, but I share it here in case others have not. May you live all of your days. Xoxo
The Uses of Sorrow
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
© 2006 by Mary Oliver
Poem found in Thirst, p. 52
Published by Beacon Press
This just happens to be my favorite poem ever written. Meg and I have a painting that reads simply "this, too" in our home.
Mary Oliver is one of my favourite poets.
“this, too” is a courageous and expansive gift.
Xo
Thank you for such a clear and beautiful articulation of the expanding we do when we notice, allow, accept, and eventually, gently, welcome the parts of ourselves we are ashamed of, frightened of, and despise. I so agree that loving these parts as they come along creates incredible capacity for change. That's been my experience. Thank you again!
Thank YOU
I so look forward to all your words!! As I too look cancer fiercely in the face..I find strength, courage and grace through your writings! Hugs from a far!
Hugs back at you, Linda.
Absolutely beautiful, words and insight dear Andrea. I have danced this path with my mother, my father, my aunt, several dear friends. Recently the hungry little cells came sniffing for me too. Your clarity rings so true those moments when get the chance to see what matters most. love
Pineal cyst (center of brain) removed March of 2020, 1 week ICU stay, alone, due to covid. Since then my mantra has been #shedshiftshine . I've learned to do my best to SHED what no lover serves me. SHIFT & grow into my "becoming" so that I can SHINE, as my most authentic self.
Shed a marriage, 100+ pounds, and a corporate job since then and it's been a continuous #backwardsblessing. I'm now a full-time psychic medium & intuitive energy healer & living my best life... loving every crack & crevice of this planet & the souls inhabiting it & beyond.
I'm huge fan of YOU & your writing & I don't think I've ever sent so much love & healing energy to a stranger in my life. Also, I've never gifted a book so many times... You Better Be Lightening ⚡️💖⚡️ Thank you
"loving every crack & crevice of this planet & the souls inhabiting it & beyond." thank you so much, Tara!
I needed these words so deeply today, it lightened my grieving heart and set me back into my body ♥️
I got the flu this week. Or at least, I assume it was the flu since I've had multiple colds and Covid in the last decade and nothing has laid me flat like this. And while I was so sick, unable to stay upright or think straight, all of the regressive, shitty internal voices that tell me that if I'm not constantly of use to someone else, if I'm not doing, producing, accomplishing I'm not worth anything, came screaming to the forefront of my brain. Usually, there's too much doing-management on my mind for me to hear those voices. Doing and thinking about doing drowns them out.
Can I say I love those voices? That would be a little bit of a stretch. I can say I know where they come from. I feel deep compassion for their fear that if I don't earn my right to be here then I might have to cease being here. And I can say, though having the flu SUCKS, I'm glad to have heard them so that we can actually have a conversation together. Nothing brought into the light stays dark. That I can say for sure.
thank you so much for this.
I love your way of describing this, Asha. I’m in the middle of five weeks of leave from work for the first time in a very long time - and it’s been a lot more difficult than I expected because those voices have been very loud. Interesting to work through and I’m appreciating the space to do so ✨ Thank you as always, Andrea, too.
Concerning all subsequent shooting stars... if any are not your Grandma Faye or other beloveds, then they are shouts of gratitude from your readers. Thank you, thank you. Sending you some sunnywindy peace from LA today.
This is so timely! My husband was quite upset this morning about the ways I express my anxiety and how it affects him. I felt so badly about myself and how my behavior and unfiltered remarks were affecting my loved ones. Coming from a place of compassion for the anxious part of me feels
loving and healng. Spacious. Generous. I feel better already and will continue to explore. Thank you, Andrea.
PTSD has had such a grip on me, triggering reactions I've had no love for. That hyena just charges through, trying to clear space enough to feel safe and safely unto myself. At times, I've not been able to stop it or find a way to slow it down enough to ask a question of it, get curiors or self-sooth first. Its a post malaise assessment. I really struggle with how reactive and then dissociated I can be. The tussle between imagined safety and love no matter the fear is worth leaning in to it but it's also really hard on my self-esteem and on my beloved too. I could not be more sorry and I try to sow seeds of truth telling, love and acceptance, through it rather than grow self-hatred. It's so strange to me that we abandon ourselves for a hyena when the opposite is what we want more deeply.
Oh, I so so so needed this today, Andrea. I've been dealing with a rare autoimmune disease for the past several years and feel overcome by grief at moments when I stop to consider all that's changed, all that never got to be. In many ways, I've been fighting myself, living in denial, and your words show me that there is peace in acceptance and power in self-compassion. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. I always find so much solace in your words.