I left a disappointing meeting with a state senator and let the Lyft driver know that I was okay, but might need to cry. He turned around and said let it out. It just means that your being held by your higher power (or whoever you believe in). Of course then I sobbed both frustrated and enlightened. I just keep Kleenex with me so emotions can flow. It is freeing and beautiful.
Thank you for this offering! First thing I did after reading it was sent it to my 25 and 21 year old kids who struggle with the fact that I live with metastatic breast cancer and always hide their tears from me. What if we could all be avacados together??
Brave. you are all brave and strong. Time will pass and their grief will surface. In the meantime I pray for you and the kids to become avocados together.
Thank you, Andrea. I want you to know that your story (I think about your grandmother?) about how the people who die want the living to know that they are More with them than ever before has been such a comfort to me this past week. My mom died suddenly a week ago, and as soon as I got the news, because of your words, I reached out with my soul and looked for her presence. Wouldn't you know, she was Right There, closer than I've ever felt her. There have been a lot of tears since then, and I'm grateful for every one. ❤️
gosh. i've been the one crying... more recently i've been the stranger placing a hand on the back of the one crying. thank you for capturing this--all of this--in words.
Yes, my ears also hold fluid and I now know why because I'm bottlenecked up with emotion. Thank you for helping me with that the only place I cry is in church and so I now know I need to get on over there.
I cried for an entire year once because the transformation I was undergoing was so painful. Generally, I always thought I cried too much, that I was too sensitive., but now I understand that my emotions move through me as salty water and that's ok. Keeping emotions locked up, unexpressed, is a prison. Thanks for this ❤️
In 1972 I was in Vietnam. Then without warning it hit me. I was in the hospital awaiting news of my illness when my doctor informed me that it was not I but my mother. My mother had died the night before and they just got the news. I left Vietnam never to return or even look back. I spent the next fifty years working, raising a family, you know life. I have been struggling with alcohol, PTSD, survivors guilt and a good deal more. But I never really cried. Yes I would shed a tear now and then but not really feeling much. A little more than a year ago I finally stopped drinking. I found a therapist that finally got through to me. Since then when I really feel what I am saying or writing and my emotions move me, I start to cry. As your peice stated crying is part of a solution not a problem, something to hide. It took me over fifty years and a lot of therapy but I am finally letting myself feel. Not just as one would feel the soft summer breeze on their face, no I mean really really feel what is going on. It took me all this time but I now understand what my tears and my feelings are about. It is all that I have been through. It is all about who I am. I finally am alive and feeling everything. Sometimes it is hard to feel so much but in retrospect it was much harder to go through life not feeling and thinking that you were. At least when I speak or write it comes from my heart now not a mimic of feelings but full blown honest feelings. I have been apologizing to people when I cry but I have been told not to. Because they understand that my words come from my heart true and honest with no falsehood. Those who are ashamed of their tears, who believe it is a sign of weakness, the weakness lies in not being able to cry. For without the tears without feeling without compassion you are not a complete human being. You can not be strong if you are not weak at the same time. You cannot have joy without sorrow. You can't have an appreciation of life if you can't acknowledge the pain of death. So no matter what you think of me I will cry I will laugh and I will live. Peace
Daniel I loved reading your story. It gives me hope. I have four young sons and I think often about the emotions our culture allows boys to express: anger, aggression. Desire to dominate. It’s a narrow landscape. It moves me to hear the story of your transformation. Gives me hope people will speak more about the value of emotional availability. Thank you for your openness—both lived and written.
Thank you for this offering and invitation to let us feel it all. My daughter (10 years old) asks me all the time, “Mom, why do I cry so much? So easily?” I tell her - “it’s because you are paying attention.”
I love all of this. It's beautifully written and raw. It reminds me I am not the only crier amongst those who hide their tears, and that kindred spirits exist out there.
First you should be still. Then hug yourself and assure that stoic part of you to soften. In the beginning, you may just feel a lump in your throat. It's ok, let it swell and just feel it. It is what being alive feels like. Tell yourself you did great. Over time more will come. Hugs
Dear Sharrie, I don't know how it is to "make" yourself cry. I can only tell you that ever since my returning home from Vietnam in 1971 until I finally stopped drinking in February of 2023 I was most expert at putting up walls so I wouldn't feel. I loved my family, still do, but I didn't let myself really feel. With the alcohol gone and a new form of therapy with a new therapist I was able to focus better. Also as religious as I was, I really started to read what was in our Torah. I allowed myself to feel to think and to look back at my time in Vietnam and what it was that I did learn from that experience. I also gave myself the opportunity to really look at my life.
I know that is not much help but each one of us has to find their own way. If you are lucky you get outside help along the way. Most of all whatever changes do occur they must come from the heart.
I have been crying my whole blessed life for beauty, the world’s pain, joy, love, fear, celebration, because it was a beautiful rain storm. Ever since I can remember my mother would hear me crying & never once did say to stop crying. She said it’s just love, everything will be okay. So I accept my crying, I am blessed to feel love in this way. I now say when I stop crying is when you need to be worried about me. Thank you for sharing your life Andrea.
So gorgeous and true. Thank you for your tears and words of love and truth. They are healing, helpful, uplifting, deeply meaningful and they always help me see everything in a new light, a light of truth and beauty, depth and love. Thank you and God Bless you!!
What a gift this was. Thank you. I am a cryer, tears are easier than laughter and they are the sisters I didn't have, growing up with two brothers. I've known for a while now that sometimes tears are the power that propels me through difficult times. It's good to know that I am not alone.
Dear Wendy, thank you for your appreciation of my words. I would like to impart something else. I hope you can value your siblings. I being an only child have always been jealous of people with siblings. I hope you are on good terms with them. If you can cherish them just a little bit more. Perhaps for perspective try to imagine your life without them. All your birthdays, holidays every year you have been alive they have been in your life. Next to a marriage siblings are about as intimate as you can get. Peace Dan
Dear Jodi, thank you although we probably will never meet it is warming that two people can share such caring sentiments and care about others without judgment. Peace Dan
I left a disappointing meeting with a state senator and let the Lyft driver know that I was okay, but might need to cry. He turned around and said let it out. It just means that your being held by your higher power (or whoever you believe in). Of course then I sobbed both frustrated and enlightened. I just keep Kleenex with me so emotions can flow. It is freeing and beautiful.
I love this so much.
Thank you for this offering! First thing I did after reading it was sent it to my 25 and 21 year old kids who struggle with the fact that I live with metastatic breast cancer and always hide their tears from me. What if we could all be avacados together??
I love the idea of a family of avocados. <3 Thank you so much for sharing.
Brave. you are all brave and strong. Time will pass and their grief will surface. In the meantime I pray for you and the kids to become avocados together.
Thank you, Andrea. I want you to know that your story (I think about your grandmother?) about how the people who die want the living to know that they are More with them than ever before has been such a comfort to me this past week. My mom died suddenly a week ago, and as soon as I got the news, because of your words, I reached out with my soul and looked for her presence. Wouldn't you know, she was Right There, closer than I've ever felt her. There have been a lot of tears since then, and I'm grateful for every one. ❤️
Oh Cody, thank you so much for sharing this with me. Holding both you and your mom close to my heart right now. Love to you.
Holding you in the light. I lost my mom to dementia a year and a half ago. May you always feel your mom's presence in your heart.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom's spirit being close is beautiful. Tears are love's release. Thinking of you. ❤️
gosh. i've been the one crying... more recently i've been the stranger placing a hand on the back of the one crying. thank you for capturing this--all of this--in words.
also the tears / the ears...
Yes, my ears also hold fluid and I now know why because I'm bottlenecked up with emotion. Thank you for helping me with that the only place I cry is in church and so I now know I need to get on over there.
I cried for an entire year once because the transformation I was undergoing was so painful. Generally, I always thought I cried too much, that I was too sensitive., but now I understand that my emotions move through me as salty water and that's ok. Keeping emotions locked up, unexpressed, is a prison. Thanks for this ❤️
In 1972 I was in Vietnam. Then without warning it hit me. I was in the hospital awaiting news of my illness when my doctor informed me that it was not I but my mother. My mother had died the night before and they just got the news. I left Vietnam never to return or even look back. I spent the next fifty years working, raising a family, you know life. I have been struggling with alcohol, PTSD, survivors guilt and a good deal more. But I never really cried. Yes I would shed a tear now and then but not really feeling much. A little more than a year ago I finally stopped drinking. I found a therapist that finally got through to me. Since then when I really feel what I am saying or writing and my emotions move me, I start to cry. As your peice stated crying is part of a solution not a problem, something to hide. It took me over fifty years and a lot of therapy but I am finally letting myself feel. Not just as one would feel the soft summer breeze on their face, no I mean really really feel what is going on. It took me all this time but I now understand what my tears and my feelings are about. It is all that I have been through. It is all about who I am. I finally am alive and feeling everything. Sometimes it is hard to feel so much but in retrospect it was much harder to go through life not feeling and thinking that you were. At least when I speak or write it comes from my heart now not a mimic of feelings but full blown honest feelings. I have been apologizing to people when I cry but I have been told not to. Because they understand that my words come from my heart true and honest with no falsehood. Those who are ashamed of their tears, who believe it is a sign of weakness, the weakness lies in not being able to cry. For without the tears without feeling without compassion you are not a complete human being. You can not be strong if you are not weak at the same time. You cannot have joy without sorrow. You can't have an appreciation of life if you can't acknowledge the pain of death. So no matter what you think of me I will cry I will laugh and I will live. Peace
Thank you so much for sharing this story, Daniel. This was so moving to read.
Very powerful and beautiful Daniel. Thank you for sharing.
Oh if we could share this with more veterans! This is so beautiful and powerful. So genuine and mindful. Thank you Daniel. Thank you x3
Daniel I loved reading your story. It gives me hope. I have four young sons and I think often about the emotions our culture allows boys to express: anger, aggression. Desire to dominate. It’s a narrow landscape. It moves me to hear the story of your transformation. Gives me hope people will speak more about the value of emotional availability. Thank you for your openness—both lived and written.
Thank you. For your service then and now. For your tears. For your opened heart and mind.
Thank you for this offering and invitation to let us feel it all. My daughter (10 years old) asks me all the time, “Mom, why do I cry so much? So easily?” I tell her - “it’s because you are paying attention.”
Thank you, Andrea. For paying attention. ❣️
WOW this is so lovely!
I love all of this. It's beautifully written and raw. It reminds me I am not the only crier amongst those who hide their tears, and that kindred spirits exist out there.
It took me a long time to learn how to cry, and now I'm learning to be an expert at it.
How can i help myself cry? How did you do it? Thank you 🥰🌹🙏
First you should be still. Then hug yourself and assure that stoic part of you to soften. In the beginning, you may just feel a lump in your throat. It's ok, let it swell and just feel it. It is what being alive feels like. Tell yourself you did great. Over time more will come. Hugs
Dear Sharrie, I don't know how it is to "make" yourself cry. I can only tell you that ever since my returning home from Vietnam in 1971 until I finally stopped drinking in February of 2023 I was most expert at putting up walls so I wouldn't feel. I loved my family, still do, but I didn't let myself really feel. With the alcohol gone and a new form of therapy with a new therapist I was able to focus better. Also as religious as I was, I really started to read what was in our Torah. I allowed myself to feel to think and to look back at my time in Vietnam and what it was that I did learn from that experience. I also gave myself the opportunity to really look at my life.
I know that is not much help but each one of us has to find their own way. If you are lucky you get outside help along the way. Most of all whatever changes do occur they must come from the heart.
Thank you kindly for the helpful reply. I'm really happy to hear about your experience. Much love. Sharrie
I have been crying my whole blessed life for beauty, the world’s pain, joy, love, fear, celebration, because it was a beautiful rain storm. Ever since I can remember my mother would hear me crying & never once did say to stop crying. She said it’s just love, everything will be okay. So I accept my crying, I am blessed to feel love in this way. I now say when I stop crying is when you need to be worried about me. Thank you for sharing your life Andrea.
"it's just love". so beautiful
“Do I even know how to ask someone what they think about the weather if it’s not the weather of their heart? The storms that make them who they are?”
If only we were sharing what goes on the heart every time we comment on the weather. Beautiful, as always. 💛
Oooohhhhh. This.
Exactly ! Unbelievably perfect words!!!!🌹
So gorgeous and true. Thank you for your tears and words of love and truth. They are healing, helpful, uplifting, deeply meaningful and they always help me see everything in a new light, a light of truth and beauty, depth and love. Thank you and God Bless you!!
Sharing the light is what it's all about
Wow. I needed this. So much.
Also, if someone asked me what made me cry within twenty-minutes of meeting me I would be like, "Oh, this person is my kind of people."
What a gift this was. Thank you. I am a cryer, tears are easier than laughter and they are the sisters I didn't have, growing up with two brothers. I've known for a while now that sometimes tears are the power that propels me through difficult times. It's good to know that I am not alone.
beautiful.
Dear Wendy, thank you for your appreciation of my words. I would like to impart something else. I hope you can value your siblings. I being an only child have always been jealous of people with siblings. I hope you are on good terms with them. If you can cherish them just a little bit more. Perhaps for perspective try to imagine your life without them. All your birthdays, holidays every year you have been alive they have been in your life. Next to a marriage siblings are about as intimate as you can get. Peace Dan
Thank you for your words today. In ways I have yet to completely understand they profoundly affected me.
Dear Jodi, thank you although we probably will never meet it is warming that two people can share such caring sentiments and care about others without judgment. Peace Dan
I am learning to cry. The hardest part is learning to cry for myself.