I lost my Dad on October 2nd. He was under the care of his family and hospice for seven weeks, and I was his primary caretaker for the first and last weeks. We had a complicated relationship and caring for him in those final moments was brutal. Now that he's "gone," I keep inviting him to be the dad I needed him to be. I'm going to pretend this message is from him, but I also know it's from future you, that you are leaving us all a trail of breadcrumbs so we can find our way home. I love you, Andrea. Thank you. ❤️
Sending you so much love 🧡 My dad died on June 6th and your experience is exactly what mine has been, down to asking him to be the dad I needed him to be now that he's gone.
I lost my Dad/ Old Boy I. JUNE - THIS YEAR I celebrated what would've been his 88th birthday at his/our Heirloom Hemlock Tree in the Berkshires Memorial Forest.
“In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you’d said. At night I sit ecstatic at the loom weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets. All day I listen to the radio of your memories.”
The imagery is breathtaking. Thank you for writing this with so much heart. ♥️
Andrea - I feel so much gratitude to you and your Grandma Faye this morning. Your words are like a soothing balm to me today as I look around and watch Christmas unfold all around me and yet I feel as if I am on the outside, still in another world. My beloved partner died by suicide in February 2023 and recently I have felt myself bracing to first get through the holidays and then the one year anniversary that is not far behind. This loss has been hugely painful territory for me, a humbling apprenticeship with grief. Your writing shines a bit of a light in the darkness, reminds me that there is so much that as humans we don't know and that I can in fact, lean into the afterlife and all of the signs Jason has given me that indicate that, yes, he is in fact, "still here" with me...
"But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living...I know it’s hard to believe, but I promise it’s the truth. I promise one day you will say it too– I can’t believe I ever thought I could lose you."
Ali I’m so sorry for your loss. I too have lost a beloved to suicide. It’s brutal. And, I do believe he is ok and I feel him around. Andrea’s words are a gift 💕🙏🏽
Thank you Charisse for taking the time to reach out to me and extend your heart and hand. I am really sorry to hear you too have experienced this gut wrenching loss. Have you ever heard the song Ghosteen Speaks by Nick Cave? Makes me cry every time but also gives me tingles and a deep sense of peace....
Jessica - thank you and I send those condolences right back your way. It is so confusing and so heartbreaking and yet here we are left holding the pieces.....sending you comfort and light as you cross the threshold of the one year anniversary.
Yes yes yes- I was very close to death a few times with my rare disease- and when I returned, I always tell folks the other-side is right here. In us and with us always.
My gratitude for you knows no bounds🙏🤩Thank you for speaking the truth of the Universe in a way that allows us to absorb and integrate it into our being. You are a Goddamn Cheetah and a Rockstar! Sending lots of love🥰😍
Your poem helps me understand why my relationship with my mother feels so much more full and complete since her passing. Why I feel more compassion and tenderness toward her, more more more than I ever did while she was alive. I cried when reading your poem, because the truth wiggles past the habitual armor and allows my heart to feel the big feelings. Thank you for knowing and for sharing. You are precious to me.
My dad is dying. I was just readying myself to go pick him up for his radiation appointment when I came upon this. He’s one of my favourite people and the only person I’ve always been able to count on for anything no matter what. I’ve been trying to prepare for his leaving but I can’t. I can’t. This however? This helps. Thank you.
My beloved Dad passed two weeks ago in hospital. My daughters and I are reeling and heartbroken but it all feels completely surreal at the same time. I miss him terribly. I keep wanting to text/call/send him things I know he'd like. Up until the end of December he was hiking in the woods and riding his bike in the country daily. Cancer fucking sucks.
Just thank you. This world is so lucky to have you here, opening us up and reminding us that pain is not the enemy. I miss my sister so much that every thing feels impossible. Yet, everything is still doable, being done. It was lovely to have a moment, consumed by your words and a new perspective, to do nothing more than feel her so close. Turns out, a hour ago, that was actually the most impossible thing. Thank you, Andrea.
One of my favorite writing professors at Pitt, Jeff Oaks, passed away from cancer yesterday. It’s such a monumental loss. He was an incredibly gifted poet and artist, and always lovely to speak with. I’m lucky to have been his student. I read these words in his voice and felt comforted right away. This is a beautiful poem to remember him through, and I think he’d really like it.
I adore this newsletter and your words so often touch me deeply that I almost cry reading them. This was my mother’s favorite season and I feel her with every wind’s whisper and every leaf that falls, touches that part of me that misses her.
My dream one day is to meet you at one of your concerts when you are well enough to continue. Taylor was going to take me when you got sick and ever since then I have made it my goal to show up and watch you spread the joy and positivity we all need!! Health and joy to you this year. Incredible joy!!
This, oh gosh, it was/is much needed. It's such a treat to hear you read aloud your beautiful writing. In our family, my grandparents were the ones who loved each other fiercely, openly, without apology-- and they loved us (their children and grandchildren) just as overtly.
It's not the gifts from them I miss, it's the heartfelt praise, the hands being held, the hugs and kisses and long meaningful conversations.
My parents are divorced, and even when married I never witnessed them holding hands, praising each other, providing warmth or truly wanting to lean into feelings of any kind. For them, kisses and hugs are dangerous territory-- and praise for us (their children and grandchildren) is extremely rare.
I'm a divorced, queer mom of two college aged young men who I absolutely adore. No longer do they live at home all the time. Holidays are a time where family and friends gather here, and I cook and aim to provide a safe space to relax and BE.
But I miss my grandparents. I miss the mindful questions, the long hugs, and watching them stand together arms around each other's shoulders as they stood on the front porch and waved until our car had pulled out of sight and driven down the street after a Christmas Eve dinner.
I hear whispers of friends who passed away young. All the love is here-- from those no longer physically walking beside us in this lifetime, and still there's a deep ache: a longing. ~
“At night I sit ecstatic at the loom weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets”--this image, and this poem, brings me to tears, remembering those who are lost and those who are still here but with whom something has been lost. Thank you for gifting us with your words and your soul, Andrea! ♥️
I lost my Dad on October 2nd. He was under the care of his family and hospice for seven weeks, and I was his primary caretaker for the first and last weeks. We had a complicated relationship and caring for him in those final moments was brutal. Now that he's "gone," I keep inviting him to be the dad I needed him to be. I'm going to pretend this message is from him, but I also know it's from future you, that you are leaving us all a trail of breadcrumbs so we can find our way home. I love you, Andrea. Thank you. ❤️
thank you Jill. Love to you.
Sending you so much love 🧡 My dad died on June 6th and your experience is exactly what mine has been, down to asking him to be the dad I needed him to be now that he's gone.
oh wow. thank you for sharing this.
Oh my goodness… my dad took his life last December and same experience as far as loving but wishing he was that dad I needed. ❌⭕️
So hard
May you also have the dad you needed, now 💗
I’m so sorry 😞 💜🙏🏽
Sending you so much love 🧡 It's so hard...
Sending you so much love back ❤️ May we both have the dad we need now.
I lost my Dad/ Old Boy I. JUNE - THIS YEAR I celebrated what would've been his 88th birthday at his/our Heirloom Hemlock Tree in the Berkshires Memorial Forest.
Yes I still endorse the Tree Folk of this Planet and Mushrooms
“In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you’d said. At night I sit ecstatic at the loom weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets. All day I listen to the radio of your memories.”
The imagery is breathtaking. Thank you for writing this with so much heart. ♥️
Came here to say this. Yes ❤️
Andrea - I feel so much gratitude to you and your Grandma Faye this morning. Your words are like a soothing balm to me today as I look around and watch Christmas unfold all around me and yet I feel as if I am on the outside, still in another world. My beloved partner died by suicide in February 2023 and recently I have felt myself bracing to first get through the holidays and then the one year anniversary that is not far behind. This loss has been hugely painful territory for me, a humbling apprenticeship with grief. Your writing shines a bit of a light in the darkness, reminds me that there is so much that as humans we don't know and that I can in fact, lean into the afterlife and all of the signs Jason has given me that indicate that, yes, he is in fact, "still here" with me...
"But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living...I know it’s hard to believe, but I promise it’s the truth. I promise one day you will say it too– I can’t believe I ever thought I could lose you."
Sending so much love your way, Ali. Thank you for being here.
Ali I’m so sorry for your loss. I too have lost a beloved to suicide. It’s brutal. And, I do believe he is ok and I feel him around. Andrea’s words are a gift 💕🙏🏽
A club no one wants to be in.... my husband 11-09-21.
I’m so sorry 😞
So sorry. 💔
Thank you Charisse for taking the time to reach out to me and extend your heart and hand. I am really sorry to hear you too have experienced this gut wrenching loss. Have you ever heard the song Ghosteen Speaks by Nick Cave? Makes me cry every time but also gives me tingles and a deep sense of peace....
I just found it and listened to it. It’s really beautiful and gave
me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing 💜🙏🏽💕
I’m sorry for your loss, my father died by suicide December 2022 and it’s been the hardest thing to grieve. So confusing and so many questions.
Jessica - thank you and I send those condolences right back your way. It is so confusing and so heartbreaking and yet here we are left holding the pieces.....sending you comfort and light as you cross the threshold of the one year anniversary.
Yes yes yes- I was very close to death a few times with my rare disease- and when I returned, I always tell folks the other-side is right here. In us and with us always.
My gratitude for you knows no bounds🙏🤩Thank you for speaking the truth of the Universe in a way that allows us to absorb and integrate it into our being. You are a Goddamn Cheetah and a Rockstar! Sending lots of love🥰😍
thank you Nicole!
My pleasure, Dear!🙏🤩🥰
Your poem helps me understand why my relationship with my mother feels so much more full and complete since her passing. Why I feel more compassion and tenderness toward her, more more more than I ever did while she was alive. I cried when reading your poem, because the truth wiggles past the habitual armor and allows my heart to feel the big feelings. Thank you for knowing and for sharing. You are precious to me.
Jodi
My dad is dying. I was just readying myself to go pick him up for his radiation appointment when I came upon this. He’s one of my favourite people and the only person I’ve always been able to count on for anything no matter what. I’ve been trying to prepare for his leaving but I can’t. I can’t. This however? This helps. Thank you.
thank you. Love to you and your dad throughout this time.
My beloved Dad passed two weeks ago in hospital. My daughters and I are reeling and heartbroken but it all feels completely surreal at the same time. I miss him terribly. I keep wanting to text/call/send him things I know he'd like. Up until the end of December he was hiking in the woods and riding his bike in the country daily. Cancer fucking sucks.
Dear Andrea,
Your gift in full bloom.
How Divinely appointed.
Congratulations, and thank you for sharing with us.
With profound admiration,
Just thank you. This world is so lucky to have you here, opening us up and reminding us that pain is not the enemy. I miss my sister so much that every thing feels impossible. Yet, everything is still doable, being done. It was lovely to have a moment, consumed by your words and a new perspective, to do nothing more than feel her so close. Turns out, a hour ago, that was actually the most impossible thing. Thank you, Andrea.
One of my favorite writing professors at Pitt, Jeff Oaks, passed away from cancer yesterday. It’s such a monumental loss. He was an incredibly gifted poet and artist, and always lovely to speak with. I’m lucky to have been his student. I read these words in his voice and felt comforted right away. This is a beautiful poem to remember him through, and I think he’d really like it.
I adore this newsletter and your words so often touch me deeply that I almost cry reading them. This was my mother’s favorite season and I feel her with every wind’s whisper and every leaf that falls, touches that part of me that misses her.
this is beautiful Kevin. Thank you.
My dream one day is to meet you at one of your concerts when you are well enough to continue. Taylor was going to take me when you got sick and ever since then I have made it my goal to show up and watch you spread the joy and positivity we all need!! Health and joy to you this year. Incredible joy!!
Things that don't suck, indeed. My god what beautiful piece of writing, of truth, of hope. Thank you, Andrea.
Lovely! I shared with my neighbor who lost her spouse of 45 years in September. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season. With love, Virginia
thank you so much for sharing xo
She was so grateful!
This, oh gosh, it was/is much needed. It's such a treat to hear you read aloud your beautiful writing. In our family, my grandparents were the ones who loved each other fiercely, openly, without apology-- and they loved us (their children and grandchildren) just as overtly.
It's not the gifts from them I miss, it's the heartfelt praise, the hands being held, the hugs and kisses and long meaningful conversations.
My parents are divorced, and even when married I never witnessed them holding hands, praising each other, providing warmth or truly wanting to lean into feelings of any kind. For them, kisses and hugs are dangerous territory-- and praise for us (their children and grandchildren) is extremely rare.
I'm a divorced, queer mom of two college aged young men who I absolutely adore. No longer do they live at home all the time. Holidays are a time where family and friends gather here, and I cook and aim to provide a safe space to relax and BE.
But I miss my grandparents. I miss the mindful questions, the long hugs, and watching them stand together arms around each other's shoulders as they stood on the front porch and waved until our car had pulled out of sight and driven down the street after a Christmas Eve dinner.
I hear whispers of friends who passed away young. All the love is here-- from those no longer physically walking beside us in this lifetime, and still there's a deep ache: a longing. ~
Gorgeous.
This line made me cry: "One day you will know why I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born, and they are all the more excited."
“At night I sit ecstatic at the loom weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets”--this image, and this poem, brings me to tears, remembering those who are lost and those who are still here but with whom something has been lost. Thank you for gifting us with your words and your soul, Andrea! ♥️